Thursday, January 18, 2018

I'm gonna lose my shiz

My child is driving me absolutely insane.

See, I live in Alabama. It usually does not get very cold. We usually don't get snow. So when we do get snow, everything shuts right on down. It snowed late Tuesday night/early Wednesday morning. And not just little flurries or a sprinkling. We got a good 2-3 inches of snow, which is a lot for Alabama. 

All the schools in the area closed Wednesday, including my son's pre-school. Which was 100% fine, as I was planning on keeping him home anyway. Even if it didn't snow, I wasn't going to take him to school. I'm not a fan of the car seat winter coat shuffle, and it was going to be below freezing all day. So we had a fun, fully anticipated snow day.

And then school was canceled again today. Ok, no big. Mark was off work again (because everything shuts down when it snows). Eli was restless, but he was manageable. And I had the promise of him going to school tomorrow. Eli and I were both super excited that he was going to get to go back to school tomorrow. And then they closed all schools again tomorrow.

My child is going to literally be bouncing off the walls. He was super upset when I told him school was canceled tomorrow and then proceeded to act like a giant ass the rest of the night. I am expecting the same tomorrow. I can understand roads being bad Wednesday and maybe even today. But Friday? Ya'll (the city, county, whatever) get some sand and salt and melt that shit. I understand we're not prepared for weather like this, but they had plenty of time to get some supplies. I don't know, maybe it takes more than that. I am just not looking forward to spending yet another day with a stir crazy child.

Maybe the roads won't be bad tomorrow, and I can take him to Chick-fil-A or something. But I do know one thing: Monday can't get here soon enough.

Friday, January 5, 2018

And this is how I die.

How morbid is it that I think that phrase at least once daily? I've got a chest cold and am walking in the freezing wind with my coat open: this is how I die. I start laughing and can't stop coughing: this is how I die. I step on this Lego, slide on that coloring book, and fall into the doorway: this is how I die. My child won't quit whining from the backseat of the car: this is how I go crazy and then die. It's a bit ridiculous, and it's not like I have a death wish. I think I've just watched one too many episodes of 1000 Ways to Die.

Anyhow. I'm sucking at this whole "write something every day" business. The above passage was actually written Friday. Nothing written yesterday. Forcing myself to write this now. But I AM sick. And I'm pretty sure this cough is going to kill me. The antibiotics are breaking everything up, and I can't stop trying to hack stuff up. Trying is the word. I hate this phase of it. I'm technically getting better, but it feels like I'm getting worse. It's no fun. Eli keeps asking if I'm ok, over and over again, while I'm in the middle of never ending coughing fits. Like, kid, I can't answer you. I can't talk or breathe. I'm not ok, and now I'm super annoyed too. He's the sweetest, and I love him. But geez, kid, leave me alone and let me cough to death in peace. #andthisishowidie

Thursday, January 4, 2018

Carrie, Carrie, Carrie

Girl, you should NOT have carved your name into his leather seats. All that other shit would be hard to definitively pin on you. But your name? Bless your heart, sweetie, you're going to jail.

I didn't write anything yesterday. I'm still sick, probably getting sicker, but at least the pain has returned to normal. I'm not really feeling up to writing much today either, but it felt like skipping again would lead to a habit of not writing.

And with that, I'll take my leave.

Tuesday, January 2, 2018

Fibromyalgia is a b*ch and then you die.

Can I take a moment to moan and groan and bitch about my fibromyalgia? It's been a bad day.

As I mentioned yesterday, I am sick. Nasty cough, runny nose, angry sinuses, the works. Now, for a normal person, having a cold is unpleasant. But my body seems to think I actually have the flu. Every joint and bone and muscle from my hips down are in achy, miserable agony. My back and arms are also feeling fairly terrible, but at least they're not as bad as the legs. I know I don't have the flu, as I don't have a fever or the chills. I just have a stupid body with stupid overactive nerves that react stupidly to various stimuli. And being sick is one such stimuli.

To complicate matters, another fibromyalgia triggering stimuli for me is weather change. Especially cold or wet weather. And it is stupidly cold. We are in Alabama. It should not be in the 20s and 30s outside. I need to move to the desert. Somewhere hot and dry sounds amazing at the moment. 

Because honestly, I'm having a hard time dealing. I'm not sure what I did in this or a past life to deserve this; but I'm really really sorry, and I won't do it again. Most days, the pain is manageable with a few tricks such as avoiding gluten like the plague. But on days like this, with my whole body just being a big ol' ball of pain, I have to do the whole whiny 'Why me?' bit. I just wanna eat a cupcake or something, but that would just make it worse. And so I just wrap myself up in any heated blanket, throw, pad I have available and try to remember that it's not always like this.
.......
And just when I thought my day was already sucking enough, I go into the kitchen to get something for Eli and hear water gushing from the laundry room. Couldn't get anything to turn off, couldn't get ahold of anyone to help me turn it off. I'm really winning at this adulting thing today. Like, how is it possible that I don't know how to turn off the water from the road? How the crap is it that I can turn the water off to the whole house from under the kitchen sink, yet the water to the laundry room won't turn off? The first answer is: I've depended on my male friends and family to save my ass, and that seriously needs to change. I'm going to get Mark to show me how to take care of basic catastrophic shit. The answer to the second question is that this house was just pieced together (and not well, may I add) and it's stupid and I hate it.

Anywhoo.  Luckily Mark was able to come home early and save the day. I'm now back in the comfort of my heated throw, appreciating that it could indeed be worse. Instant karma at its finest.

Monday, January 1, 2018

Long time, no write

Well, it's been 4 years since I've updated this blog. Infancy and toddler-hood is very time consuming and extremely worth it. I also developed fibromyalgia shortly after Eli's first birthday, and that's a whole different set of challenges and issues. So between the baby/sleep deprivation brain fog and the fibro (brain) fog, I haven't really been feeling the struggle that is writing. It is a lot easier to read other people's stories than it is to write your own. But I have resolved to fight through the fog and try to write everyday. Some days it will be this blog, some days it will be a story that I've been working on forever, and some days it will just be me writing down some ramblings that popped into my head. I'm hoping that by writing daily, I'll again become comfortable enough to apply for freelance writing jobs and work on my stupid book idea.

This is a quick entry, as it is New Year's Day, I have an extremely noisy child, and I'm sick. Concentration isn't really an option at the moment, but I felt that skipping writing today wouldn't set a very good precedence for my new year's resolution. And with that, I'll leave you. Enjoy your holiday, and there will be more writing to come.

Saturday, November 9, 2013

We made it to 36 weeks!

I can't believe it's been a month since our bleeding/contraction scare.  I can remember being anxious to make it to 34 weeks, and now we're just a week away from delivering early term if the little turkey decides he can't wait any longer!  There haven't been anymore bleeding scares, but I'm still having trouble controlling the contractions.  At last week's monitoring appointment, we were there for 3 hours trying to get the contractions to go away.  They finally let me go home after the contractions spaced out enough for them to feel comfortable discharging me, but they never did go away completely.  I'm also still having trouble realizing that they are happening, and that trouble isn't just for the little contractions.  Apparently I had a nice big one lasting a minute and had no idea that it was happening. I'm hoping that my inability to recognize them will correlate to an easier labor and less pain, as I am planning to try to give birth without an epidural. But even though my uterus is all angry (why should I have expected it to behave any differently once I actually got and stayed pregnant?), our baby boy has always looked great and is thriving. So as long as he is still doing well, I can't complain too much.  I do not think that we will make it to our due date, but we are far enough along now that I won't freak out too badly if he decides it's go time.

I am still on bed rest, but I have been given the freedom to alternate between the bed and the recliner in the living room.  She also gave me permission to get my own snacks and make my own lunch, so long as I'm not on my feet for very long or moving around too much.  I'm still not allowed to do anything else such as cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, etc., but the little bit of freedom that I am allowed has made being on bed rest much much easier.  I'm hoping that once I reach 37 weeks, she'll give me even more freedom and allow me to do light cleaning or go for short walks.  I think the bleeding was the main cause for the bed rest order, so I'm not sure if she'll actually allow me to do some of that stuff or not. It won't hurt to ask, so ask I shall!

I hate sitting here doing nothing all day when there is still so much that needs to be done for his arrival, but I really have no choice.  I have been ordering some essentials that we need for him, since we won't be able to have a baby shower until after he gets here. I've also ordered the rest of what we need for the hospital bag and have a list made up of what needs to go in it, so that Mark can put the bag together. I'd really like to be able to do more, but at least it's something.

And so now, we wait.  We have 7 days until term and 28 days until his due date!  It won't be long!

Monday, October 14, 2013

Who's on bed rest? This girl. Yay...

So, It's been a while since I've done a blog post.  Everything had been going along like normal.  There was nothing really to report other than feeling frequent movements, getting uncomfortable, etc. so I didn't really feel the need to update.  Well, now there is something to report, and it's definitely not great news.  Eli and I are now confined to the bed for the duration of the pregnancy.  We had a really scary weekend, and I am just thankful that my little turkey is still cooking!

I had been feeling a bit strange Thursday, pretty worn out and a little sore, but I attributed that to the fact that I had cleaned my bathroom.  I just thought it wore me out since I'm getting so much bigger.  Mark got home from work and we were chilling on the couch when I felt this huge gush of fluid.  TMI maybe, but it felt like I peed myself, and I knew I didn't.  I jumped up off the couch and headed to the bathroom where I found it was not in fact pee, it was blood.  A lot of blood.  So I calmly yelled, "We have to go to the hospital. Now." down the hall to Mark and off we went.  We got to the ER after what felt like forever (I swear, every single light turned red when we got to it and stayed that way), and they rushed me up to l&d. They tried to get a urine sample, but unfortunately I was still bleeding way too much.  They hooked me up to the monitor, and they were able to find his heartbeat fairly quickly.  It was really strong, which meant that he was still doing well.  They also hooked me up to a contraction monitor and found that I was contracting every 2 minutes. The doctor came in about half an hour later and did an ultrasound. The equipment was kind of old, but he saw what looked like a small placental abruption (where the placenta pulled away from my uterus).  He said that he didn't know for sure, that we'd have to look with better equipment in the morning, but that it didn't look bad at all, was very small, and baby was doing well so it probably wasn't as serious as it could be. They then gave me a shot of brethine to stop the contractions (evil, evil medicine.  It stopped the contractions but I didn't react well to it and the side effects were horrible) and a steroid shot for Eli's lungs.  I also got the first of 3 huge bags of fluids and the first of 3 bags of antibiotics.  He also put me on strict bed rest for the next 24 hours (bed pans are not fun).  My contractions stopped and I was still bleeding, but it wasn't new blood from what they could tell, which was a very good thing.  Eli continued to do well and I probably managed to get a few hours of sleep.

The next day the bleeding (all old blood by now) continued to taper off.  While being monitored, they found that I was still contracting every 3 to 7 minutes, so I got another shot of brethine.  They did another ultrasound to look for the source of the bleed and a biophysical profile to make sure that Eli was still doing well.  The ultrasound turned out really well.  Baby is already 4lbs 12oz, measuring a week to two weeks ahead, and doing things that they don't expect to see a baby his age doing.  They also were unable to find the source of the bleed.  They're not sure if the old ultrasound equipment malfunctioned or if it was such a small tear that it repaired itself.  But for right now, the placenta is still attached to my uterus! Yay!  They lifted the strict bed rest provisions and gave me bathroom privileges as soon as the contractions stopped.  I still needed another steroid shot, so they kept me over night to give me the shot and to monitor me.  And then they set me free the next day!

I am still on bed rest, and I most likely will be for the duration of the pregnancy.  Each week I will go to see my doctor as well as go to the hospital to have Eli and my contractions monitored.  I'm still contracting, but they aren't close enough together at the moment to be a cause for concern. And still no more bleeding!!!! So with the way things look now, we should be able to keep him cooking until November at least.  That is the goal anyway.