Friday, February 8, 2013

One more week!  Actually in one more week I will be in a pain-med induced stupor, but same thing.  It hit me last night that I don't actually think this is real.  One would think I'd be starting to get nervous about being put under and then getting holes cut into me, but it doesn't feel like its going to happen to ME.  I feel like I'm just reading a book or something, and that a character is getting ready to go into surgery.  Its very strange, but maybe its a coping mechanism.  I mean who really wants to KNOW that they are going to have someone cut them open and put a camera in there.  I need to get everything ready too.  I've started making a list of things to buy and prepare, but I'm nowhere near being finished with the list.  Haven't even started the buying or preparing.  I really do need to get on it.  I'm running out of time.  God forbid I don't have enough reading material or jello.  Luckily Mark is going to be off of work during my surgery and for a good portion afterward, so if I run out of Jello, I'll be ok.
I'm just ready to know for sure what is wrong with my stupid body.  Even if its horrible news, at least I'll know and be better able to prepare for how it will effect my life.  The pain and bleeding when there is not supposed to be pain and bleeding is bad, but not knowing what the hell is going on is even worse.  Is it endometriosis?  Do I have tons of cysts? Is it cancer?  Is it one of the nasty critters from Alien trying to bust out of my pelvis?  Who knows!  Not this girl.  But we'll know something very soon, and that brings me a great deal of comfort.  Even if they get in there and find that everything is so bad I won't be able to have children, at least I will know and be able to move on with my life.  At this point all I want are answers.  And the ability to work out as hard as I want to without all the horrible side effects.
Now on to other topics.  As far as working out goes, I was very bad this week.  I missed Monday night Belly Dance due to the fast approaching deadline to a huge project at work.  I danced my heart out at Zumba on Tuesday, only to leave feeling like both of my ovaries were trying to knife their way out of my hips while my uterus rooted them on.  A horrendous sinus headache kept me from Wednesday night Yoga, and tummy issues kept me from Bodypump and Belly Dance on Thursday.  So I have worked out one day this week.  Not good.  At all.  I don't know how long I'm going to be out of commission after my surgery, so I really should have taken advantage of all the opportunities I had this week.  But alas, I was falling apart.  I am quite tired of falling apart.
Well, friends, I think I am going to bed now.  Until next time, here is your IFPSA of the day:
Pregnancy announcements.  They suck.  We love you and are happy for you, but please remember that we are trying so hard to achieve the same thing.  Your happy news is indeed happy, but it is also quite painful as it reminds us that we are still unable to (and may never) achieve a successful pregnancy.  So be gentle when you tell your friends that struggle with infertility and pregnancy loss your wonderful news.  Give us time to process it, come to terms with our feelings, and then move on to being truly happy for you.  Also, please don't let us be the last to know.  Keeping the news from us to spare our feelings is not fun either.  We're going to find out sooner or later, so please, gently tell us when you tell everyone else.  And remember we are TRULY HAPPY for you.  It just may take us a minute to move past our own feelings.


  1. Hey! Found your blog on FF. I'm impressed that you made it once this week! I haven't figured out how to fit exercise in my life lately. Too damn busy. Gotta work on that...

    What surgery are you having? Are they doing something exploratory-fertility related? Is it laparoscopic? I just had my appendix taken out laparoscopically and I was terrified (first surgery), but I was (sadly) back at work in 4 days time. No big deal.

    1. Yep, I'm having laparoscopy done to see if I have endometriosis. Its good to hear that its no big deal. Today I am finding I am having a really difficult time concentrating on anything really. I think its finally sunk in, and I'm starting to get nervous! No big deal stories are just what I need right now!!