Tuesday, January 8, 2013

So....I'm going to try this whole blogging thing.  I've got lots of opinions, and thoughts, and random outbursts of bitchy-ness that need not be shared on Facebook.  I struggle not to be that girl that gives out waaaaay too much TMI, even though I seriously NEED to, darn it!  I'll see some stupid piece of celebrity trash news that infuriates me (*cough* Kim Kardashian's pregnancy *cough*), want to bitch about it on Facebook, but then realize that bitching about it will bring up private family issues that the general population on Facebook just really doesn't need to know.  So I sit on my opinion.  And I stew, and stew, and stew.  And think about posting something and then stew some more.  I finally came to the conclusion that a blog would be a good outlet.

So, now I am going to calmly discuss celebrity pregnancies.  I do not give a rat's ass about which celebrity is sporting a baby bump.  I do not care.  Duchess Kate pregnant and puking?  Don't care.  Drew Barrymore just gave birth?  Love her work, still don't care.  "Look at what these celeb moms wore when they were pregnant!!!"  NO!!! I DON'T CARE!!!  And now, to make things infinitely worse, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are having a baby.  For one, why in the hell is Kim Kardashian even considered a celebrity?  She has done absolutely nothing that calls for celebration.  The woman entered the public spotlight because of a sex tape.  Ooooh, you're a pretty skank that doesn't guard your privacy.  And now you're famous.  Great.  From what I understand, she is still married to the guy she had an over-the-top wedding with and then left 60 days later.  Not the best role model and not the best mother material.

Now I know what some people are going to say.  "Oh Sarah, you're just a bitter infertile that can't be happy when anyone is pregnant."  And yes, this is my way of coming out of the infertility closet.  It sucks in there, btw.  And that is simply not true (for the most part).  I did not care about celebrity pregnancies before I found out that I have a broken uterus.  I didn't care about their marriages and divorces.  Now it hurts to see, because yes, it is a constant reminder of what I don't have and may never have.  Before it was like, "Seriously, this is annoying, and I don't care."  And now that same sentence is used but is spoken more bitterly (and with expletives!).  The whole Kim/Kanye reproduction story just brings out the worst side of it.  She is still married to that Chris guy but pregnant with someone else's baby.  That stings because I am married and devoted to my husband, but thus far have been unable to give him a child.  Her sister Khloe, has been struggling unsuccessfully to conceive a child with her husband for 3 years, and BAM, her sister gets pregnant out of the blue.  And this all happened right after Kim froze some eggs for when she's ready to have a baby, because she is "older than [Khloe] and going to have way more problems".  And even though Khloe is happy for her sister (as are all "bitter infertiles" when a loved one gets pregnant), she is extremely sad for herself.  Its just one more reminder of this horrible stupid condition. So because I'm going through what Khloe is going through (but she's rich and can afford all sorts of ART (assisted reproductive technology) unlike moi), I feel her pain and I truly hurt for her.  And then I hurt for myself.

Ahhh, catharsis.  I feel better getting that off my chest.  I've been wanting to scream this at anyone who would listen since the story broke.  So for all of you listening, thank you.  And now, I'm going to quit ranting and go be productive before my doctor's appointment.  We get to talk about surgery today!  Yay!  I'm actually quite ready for it and will let everyone know how it goes.

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